We won't sleep together?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
