i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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