i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
