we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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