she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
