by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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