fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
