it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
