Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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