I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
