I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
