dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
