I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize