I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize