youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
