Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
