You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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