At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
