My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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