i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
