i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
