I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
