If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
