Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
