He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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