who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
