Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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