the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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