Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
