I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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