hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
