But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize