at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
