you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
