I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
