I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
