i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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