if you like me you must not know who I am
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
