JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
