your thong is hanging out like whoa
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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