is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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