everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
