What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
