I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
