Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
