today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
