Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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