we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
