Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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