I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
