Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
