It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
