I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have aggressive nipples.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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