I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
