You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
