In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
