In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just found puke in my bra..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
