I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
