i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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