what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
