better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He? As in you personified your dick?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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