dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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