So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
