His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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