My sheets look like a crime scene.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
