Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
