see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
