I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
