I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
